new jokes

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Blonde in a Boat.

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

Class

haha funny them toprod lol

At the local charity christmas panto in aid of 'The Paranoid Schizophrenia Society ' and ' The local Homosexual club ' ,there was absolute chaos when someone shouted out...."HE'S BEHIND YOU"


Expensive Knickers

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported knickers. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "You wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

sorry Viv

Job Done

Quasimdo is lying on the cobbles outside notra dame. A large crowd has gathered, and Quasi is close to death. "Go and fetch Esmarelda he moans", so a young boy runs up to the belltower and brings Esmarelda to him. She leans over to Quasi and says "yes my love what is it". Quasi answers "when I said t*ss me off I didn't mean that".

an irish woman goes into hospital after having phone sex, doctors removed 2 nokias 3 motarolas and a samsung

no seimen was found

roach_boy wrote:an irish woman goes into hospital after having phone sex, doctors removed 2 nokias 3 motarolas and a samsung

no seimen was found

haha did you like that one viv

Why cant you hang a man with a wooden leg????????

ste hammy wrote:Why cant you hang a man with a wooden leg????????

its easier with a rope